


Past and Present

by impalagirl, wilddragonflying



Series: Roleplays [43]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, M/M, Online Relationship, Pining, Stiles is an artist, That one where Derek isn't Indiana Jones
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-26
Updated: 2016-07-26
Packaged: 2018-07-26 21:46:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,498
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7591561
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/impalagirl/pseuds/impalagirl, https://archiveofourown.org/users/wilddragonflying/pseuds/wilddragonflying
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>Honestly, if you asked Derek who he thought he'd see not three days before he leaves for his internship in the Indus river valley, his answer would have been anyone but who he actually runs into.</i>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	Past and Present

Honestly, if you asked Derek who he thought he'd see not three days before he leaves for his internship in the Indus river valley, his answer would have been anyone but who he actually runs into: 

Stiles Stilinski, also known as Derek's ex-fuckbuddy and former good friend. 

The two literally run into each other as Derek is walking past the Michael's craft store and Stiles is rushing out. They collide off of each other, Derek's bag going with Stiles and Stiles's bag going with Derek; when Derek goes to hand the bag back, he freezes. It's been almost three years since he's seen those eyes and that mouth, but he'd recognize them anywhere. "Stiles?" 

"Derek." Stiles thrusts Derek's bag at him and takes back his own, and is quick to put some space between them. "Um. Hey."

"Hey," Derek echoes, still looking at Stiles in a way that could probably be construed as creepy. "I - How have you been?" 

"Good," Stiles answers, too quickly. "Good, um, yeah... good. You?"

"Same," Derek says, and manages to scrape together enough brain cells to ask, "Do you want to grab a coffee, catch up a little?" 

"Um." Stiles' gaze flickers away from Derek like a caged animal. "I'm not sure that would be a good idea," he says slowly. "I-- It's been a long time and I'm, well, I'm seeing someone."

"Oh," Derek says, blinking. "Well, congrats, then, I guess." 

"Thanks," Stiles says. "Listen, I should get going, but." He meets Derek's gaze then, and behind the steely resolve in his own eyes is a naked vulnerability that goes bone-deep. "It was good to see you, Derek. I'm glad you're doing well."

"You, too," Derek says honestly; it hurts a little, seeing Stiles again, and so unexpectedly, but Derek's glad to see he's doing well. "Take care, Stiles." 

Stiles manages a weak smile, and walks away before it becomes easier to stay.

* * *

_Three and a Half Years Later ___

Derek completes his internship with flying colors, and is in and out of the States for the next three years after his encounter with Stiles. He works on various archeological digs across the globe, helping to piece together mankind's history; he specializes in pre-Christ Era civilizations, which means more fragile artifacts to work with, and less of them, but Derek's always enjoyed a good puzzle. 

About the time he finishes his internship, Derek meets Ash - ashesandmagic - on Tumblr, and he's not quite sure how it happens, but they strike up a friendship, and sometimes it feels like a little bit more. They talk almost every day when Derek is in the States, and as often as they can when Derek's at a dig. In fact, Derek's currently in a hotel packing up all of his gear in preparation of flying back to New York when his phone chimes; he's smiling before he even picks up the phone, knowing it'll be Ash on the other end with some message or other. And he's right. 

**ashesandmagic: hey handsome, how's it goin? excited to be back on us soil soon?**

Derek grins as he replies. **alphaofthedig: Yeah; not looking forward to the flight, but I've got an interview for a good job when I get back so I'm def looking forward to that.**

**ashesandmagic: does that mean you'll be staying? :D**

**alphaofthedig: LOL no; I might end up staying in the States for longer periods, but I'd still be going out on digs and stuff. No way am I giving that up.**

**ashesandmagic: oh well. can't blame a guy for dreaming :)**

**alphaofthedig: Does that make you sleeping beauty if you're dreaming about me, a guy you've never met?**

**ashesandmagic: if it means i get awoken by a kiss from my handsome prince, i'll take it ;)**

Derek can't help but laugh at that. **alphaofthedig: Keep flirting and that just might happen some day,** he responds. 

**ashesandmagic: don't make promises you can't keep, bro. you'll break my little heart!**

**alphaofthedig: I think this is one promise I can keep.**

* * *

Derek ends up falling out of touch with Ash for almost a week besides 'good morning's and 'sorry things are crazy's; eventually, though, Derek has nailed a job as assistant curator at the Museum of Natural History, and his life evens out a bit more. Kira, an old friend from grad school who is picking up some hours as a receptionist at the museum, is ecstatic over the fact that they're working together, and Derek's first day on the job she nearly shoves her phone up his nose in her enthusiasm to show him something. 

Derek grabs the phone before any damage can be done, and then blinks. "These are really good," he says as he takes in the sketches on the screen. "Did you do them?" 

Kira laughs. "I wish," she says. "The guy who did is making a packet, but I can't say his name. And this is just concept art for an amazing comic; the real deal is even better."

Derek's eye is caught by a figure that looks vaguely familiar; after a moment, Derek realizes that's because it looks an awful lot like him. That realization hits simultaneously with recognition; Derek knows this art style. "The real deal?" he asks, voice hoarse. 

"It's a really beautiful story about a human and a werewolf," Kira says, grinning. "Which sounds cheesy as hell, but it's actually amazing. That's the werewolf right there." She points at a figure on the screen.

The figure she's pointing to is one of the ones that doesn't resemble Derek, but recognition comes much easier with this figure: It's Stiles, clear as day for anyone who knows him and his style, and Derek is intimately acquainted with both. "The artist is really good," he ventures, trying to ignore the twisting in his stomach. "Is it like a webcomic or something?" 

"Yeah!" Kira takes her phone back from Derek and returns it once a new website has loaded. "Feel free to text yourself the link."

Derek does, because he's a masochist, apparently. "Thanks," he says, giving Kira a smile. "I'll let you know what I think of it." 

"Do," Kira tells him, beaming. "Every single thought that pops into your head. Once you're up to date, I'll introduce you to the fandom!"

* * *

There is a fandom. Stiles's webcomic, that he started developing a few months before they broke up, has an honest-to-god fandom, complete with shipping wars. When Derek finds that last bit, he flips over to kik, and opens Ash's thread. **alphaofthedig: So. I found something a bit... unsettling out today.** He's not sure how he'll explain this situation, but he needs to talk to someone. 

**ashesandmagic: yeah? you ok?**

**alphaofthedig: I'm not sure. How are you supposed to feel when you find out that your ex is still using you years later?**

**ashesandmagic: jeez, idk... i guess it depends on how.**

**alphaofthedig: I guess it's nothing big, it's just - I got news today that he was doing this project that he started while we were together, and it was a kick in the teeth.**

**ashesandmagic: have you seen him? are you mad?**

**alphaofthedig: No, and I don't know. It's complicated. It's not like he's totally ripping off an idea of mine or something, it's just, there were some things I figured he'd change after we broke up. I guess he didn't, so I wasn't prepared. Just caught me off guard.**

**ashesandmagic: :( that sucks. i guess you could contact him if it makes you uncomfortable?**

**alphaofthedig: Yeah, I suppose I could.** The thought honestly hadn't occurred to Derek, but if he was honest with himself, he wasn't actually uncomfortable with Stiles using him as a model for one of the characters; no, what he was uncomfortable with was the fact that the majority of the fandom seemed to ship his and Stiles's characters. **I might do that,** Derek sends a moment after his last message. 

The response takes a couple of minutes to come through. **ashesandmagic: i guess just be careful? if he's not actually ripping you off then it's his decision to use his own experiences in his work. he might not take kindly to you showing up after however long just to get in his face.**

**alphaofthedig: I don't want to get in his face. But I think I'd like to know why he decided to keep using that piece when, after we broke up, I ran into him once in 3 years, and that was 3 years ago. Haven't heard from him since, so what does that say about how he feels about me?**

**ashesandmagic: what do you want it to say?**

**alphaofthedig: I think I'd like it to say that he doesn't hate me, at least. Maybe that he's moved on, I don't know.**

**ashesandmagic: maybe it's best not to go digging up the past, then.**

**alphaofthedig: Maybe you're right.** Still, the thought has been planted, and Derek can't quite shake it loose. 

* * *

In the end, Derek decides to contact Scott, Stiles's best friend. He still has the other's email and phone number, but decides the email is probably the best way of getting in touch. It takes him nearly an hour before he has a message he's happy with. 

_Scott,_

_I know it's been a few years since we've talked, but I'd like to ask a favor. I recently became aware of Stiles's webcomic, as well as quite a few aspects of the fanbase. I have some concerns I'd like to share with Stiles, if I could possibly get his email address or phone number from you._

_-Derek Hale_

A reply comes back two days later.

_Hey Derek, it's good to hear from you. I'm not sure I'd be comfortable giving out Stiles' details without his permission. If you have an issue with the comic, contact information can be found on the website. There's an email address or a comment section._

_Scott._

_Thanks for the reply; I understand your concern, but this is something that could possibly become personal, if that makes sense. I'm not asking for you to give his info without his permission; it would probably be best if either way you told him I'd like to speak with him. I'm not looking to pick a fight with Stiles, but I would like to keep the conversation as private as possible._

Scott doesn't respond, but a week later an email from an unknown sender appears in Derek's inbox.

_Derek,_

_I hope you don't mind me contacting you like this, but Scott told me that you were looking to get in touch, so I got your address off him and thought I'd send you an email. He said you wanted to talk about the comic, so feel free to reply to this with your thoughts or you can call me if you want; I'll leave my number at the end._

_I hope you're keeping well, Derek._

_\- Stiles Stilinski._

This time Derek's the one who takes a few days to respond; he's discarded literal hundreds of email drafts, but finally he gives in to temptation and calls Stiles. The moment the phone starts ringing, though, Derek abruptly panics and wishes fervently that it'll just go to voice-mail. 

It doesn't, though, and the call connects a few moments later. "Listen," an irritated voice says. "I literally just told you that I don't want to buy _anything_ , so please, take my number off your list and--"

"Stiles?" And Derek hates how the sound of Stiles's voice can send his heart tripping all over itself. "It's Derek." 

Silence. Then a bang and a muffled curse, and then Stiles is speaking again. "Oh my god, Derek, I'm so sorry, I've been plagued by cold callers all morning. Hi. I, uh, I wasn't expecting your call."

"I was going to email," Derek confesses, "but I figured it'd be kind of awkward either way?" Considering the fact that Derek still isn't sure if he ever managed to fully get over Stiles. 

"Yeah," Stiles agrees quietly, "I guess it is. So you wanted to talk about the comic? I can't believe you've even seen it."

"A friend showed me some of the sketches you posted, and then gave me the link," Derek explains. "It's - It's good. Really good." 

"But that's not what you called to say," Stiles says. "Is it?"

"No, it's not," Derek concedes. "I wanted to ask about the fact that one of the characters still looks an awful lot like me." 

Stiles sighs, and there's a creak as he sits down heavily on what might be a bed or a particularly worn-out sofa. "Well, he is based off of you," he says carefully. "Have you read the comic?"

"I have," Derek admits. He'd finished the entire archive in one sitting, as a matter of fact. 

"Then you'll know that I haven't done you a disservice," Stiles says. "At least, I didn't intend to. If you feel differently, then--"

"I'm a bit uncomfortable with how many people want Dylan and Tyler to get together," Derek interrupts. "It's just - it's a bit unnerving." 

Stiles barks out a harsh laugh. "That's not exactly something I can control, Derek."

"You're right," Derek sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose. "It's just - why did you keep that design? After - I figured you would have changed it." 

"Well, you were a gorgeous model," Stiles says lightly. "I wasn't going to throw away my heartthrob of a character just because we stopped sleeping together."

Derek winces, memories of 'posing' for Stiles resurfacing for the first time in years. "Right," he says stiffly. "Well, it's been nice talking to you, Stiles. Good luck with the webcomic." 

"Thanks for calling, Derek," Stiles says softly, the words achingly sincere. "It was good to hear your voice." He hangs up, then, leaving Derek to stare numbly at his phone until it chimes with a message.

**ashesandmagic: well i am having a shit of a day. how are you? :D**

**alphaofthedig: Not much better. What's up?**

**ashesandmagic: ugh everything and nothing, i just wanted to complain. are you ok?**

**alphaofthedig: Meh. Talked with my ex recently, was reminded of why we ended up breaking up.**

**ashesandmagic: harsh. i didn't realise you'd decided to contact him. was it at least cathartic??**

**alphaofthedig: Not really. Pretty sure he was only with me for my body, and he kinda confirmed that when we spoke.**

**ashesandmagic: shit.**

**ashesandmagic: guess that means it's a good body tho, huh? ;)**

**ashesandmagic: sorry was that too soon**

**alphaofthedig: Just a little bit lol**

**alphaofthedig: I mean it's been over five years, I shouldn't still be hurt by him, but I guess I was wrong about having totally gotten over him.**

**ashesandmagic: i know the feeling... but just because we're still sad about the past, it doesn't have to mean we can't be happy in the present, does it?**

**alphaofthedig: No, it doesn't. What would I do without you to help make my mood better?**

**ashesandmagic: die miserable and alone in a gutter somewhere ;) but so would i without you, so i guess we're even x**

Derek stares at the little 'x' on his phone's screen for longer than is probably necessary before he finally responds. **alphaofthedig: Yeah, I guess we are x**

* * *

The next update to Stiles's webcomic - _Blood on the Moon_ \- comes out two days after their not-so-great phone call; on this one, Derek actually decides to make an account and comment. It's nothing much, and he manages to get an account that's his actual name, but what really throws him for a loop is when Stiles replies. 

After that, Derek starts commenting on every update; usually it's just "Good job" and a compliment on some particular aspect of the newest page, but Stiles keeps replying. Derek tentatively replies to Stiles's replies, and they strike up a conversation or two that stays firmly in safe territory, discussing the comic. 

Then Derek nearly knocks Stiles into oncoming traffic while rushing to work one morning. 

"Holy shit, walk much!" Stiles cries, whirling to stare at-- " _Derek?_ "

Derek, who'd already opened his mouth to apologize, closes it with a snap. "Stiles? What the hell are you doing in New York?" 

"I live here," Stiles answers automatically, his eyes still round with shock. "What are _you_ doing in New York?"

"I live here when I'm not on a dig," Derek says. "Went to grad school here, got a job at the Natural History Museum... When did you move?" 

"A few years ago," Stiles says. "For, y'know, work."

And Derek's only been in the States for a maximum of a month until recently. "Right," he says. "Um, well, I've got to get to work, so... " 

"Sure," Stiles says, moving aside to let him pass. He doesn't get more than two paces, though, before Stiles is calling out, "Derek!"

Derek stops, turns. "Yeah?" 

Stiles hesitates, but soldiers on. "How would you feel about getting that coffee we talked about last time?"

It takes Derek a moment to place what Stiles is talking about, but then he nods. "Yeah, I'd like that. Maybe tomorrow?"

"Sure." Stiles' smile is small but pleased. "I'll text you."

"Yeah, okay," Derek says. "I'm sorry, I really have to go, but it was good seeing you." And, feeling simultaneously awkward and elated, Derek gives a half-wave before darting back into the foot traffic. 

* * *

Coffee goes better than both of them expected, but they don't part with plans to see each other again. They leave it pretty open, but neither of them feel comfortable enough to put themselves out there and request a second meeting.

A few days later, Derek's phone chimes with a message from Ash.

**ashesandmagic: so i have a problem. help??? :(**

**alphaofthedig: as long as it's not hiding a body, shoot.**

**ashesandmagic: so i ran into someone from my past recently and it was... nice? but i'm not sure if it was only a one-time kinda deal...**

**alphaofthedig: Did they say anything about meeting up again?**

**ashesandmagic: no. but it was really nice and he seemed really glad to see me. he didn't give off the vibes that he *didn't* want to see me again..**

'He'? Derek thought, something in his chest going tight. He shoved it aside for now, though, refocusing on the matter at hand. **alphaofthedig: Well, maybe text him or something if you have his contact info? Can't hurt to ask him how his day went or something else small to test the waters.**

**ashesandmagic: you're right. i guess it doesn't have to mean anything, does it, being friends again? if he even wants that.**

**alphaofthedig: No, it doesn't; plenty of people are friends with their exes(im assuming that's who you're talking about?) without any expectation of anything more.**

**ashesandmagic: heh, i'm not even remotely subtle, am i? but yeah, maybe i will text him. just to say hi. thanks, dude :)**

**alphaofthedig: No problem, Ash. Let me know how it goes!**

* * *

Derek's conversation with Ash gets him thinking, and a few hours later he sends Stiles a text. **Hey, it's Derek.**

**Hey yourself, I do have your number, y'know. What's up?**

**Right. And nothing much, I was just wondering how your day's been going?**

**Pretty good, been busy with work though. You?**

**About the same; getting ready to go out of town in about a week, so finalizing flight plans and whatnot.**

**Sounds like fun. Do you have some free time before you leave?**

**Yeah; what did you have in mind?**

**Dinner maybe? Or coffee again if that's easier.**

Derek hesitates before answering, **Coffee would prob be easier.** The whole point is to _not_ fall in love with Stiles again, after all. 

Stiles' reply comes through maybe ten minutes later. **Sure. Just let me know when.**

* * *

They end up grabbing coffee the next day after Derek gets out of a meeting with his boss, who's the one arranging his next dig; Derek's going to be out of the States for a couple of months, this time in Italy working on a newly opened section of Herculaneum, and Derek's kind of geeking out a little bit. Still, when he and Stiles settle into a small booth with their drinks, Derek steers the conversation towards Stiles. "So, I know you finally got your comic up and running, but what else have you been up to in the past several years?" he asks, curious.

"Oh, this and that," Stiles says. "I went back home after college ended, and pottered around BH for a while. But my dad started getting sick of me and then my comic took off and, well, here I am."

"So why New York?"

"I dunno, it just sounded like a good idea," Stiles answers. "I've been talking with a publishing company about maybe bringing out _Blood on the Moon_ in hard copy, and we've just started working on a new project."

"A new project?" Derek prods. 

"Yeah, another comic, but this one wouldn't be online. It's quite exciting. If it works out I wouldn't be working alone, but I'd have most of the creative control."

"That's really cool," Derek says sincerely. "I remember you always wanted to be a big-shot artist, and it looks like you're almost there." 

Stiles grins. "I hope so. Working on _Blood on the Moon_ has been a dream come true, though. I'd be happy if it was the only thing that ever did well."

"I understand," Derek says, smiling slightly. "You should definitely be proud of it." 

"I'm really glad you like it," Stiles admits, and he's blushing a little. "The comments you leave always make my day."

"It's nice, seeing the actual product. I remember all the times you stayed up all night plotting and sketching," Derek says with a grin. "Your art's gotten even better." 

Stiles' flush deepens, and he ducks his head in a weak attempt to hide his pleased smile. "I think so," he says. "It's apparently good enough to get me all this publicity and, y'know, money, so. I'm not complaining."

"Always nice to not be stuck in a job you hate," Derek laughs. "And the way _Blood on the Moon_ 's popularity is growing you should definitely be able to support yourself with it for a while."

"Definitely," Stiles agrees, grinning. "But what about you? That job at the museum must be paying pretty well, especially if you can afford to take time off already. It sounds great."

"It is pretty great," Derek agrees. "Good hours, good pay, and my boss is amazing and has lots of connections. I'm thinking about maybe doing a paper or two."

"Yeah?" Stiles asks, leaning forward interestedly. "Tell me about it."

* * *

Derek is gone for almost a month and a half; he texts Ash on and off while he's gone as he usually does, and he keeps up with _Blood on the Moon_ as best he can, but inevitably falls behind. When he returns to the States, he's so busy catching up with both Stiles and his comic, as well as working with his boss on potential paper ideas, that he absolutely forgets to text Ash telling him he returned. 

At least, he forgets until Ash texts him first. 

**ashesandmagic: hey man, haven't heard from you in a while. hate to sound like the needy girlfriend but are you still alive?**

Mother _fucker_. Derek quickly makes a decision and types, **alphaofthedig: Sorry, couldn't get a good Internet connection, and I just got back.**

**ashesandmagic: ohh, really? welcome back! how was your flight?**

**alphaofthedig: It was good; no stale peanuts and trail mix for once.** It's not a lie, it's just - his flight was two weeks ago. Christ, Derek feels so fucking guilty for just _forgetting_ about Ash for two weeks. How the hell could he do that? 

**ashesandmagic: impressive!**

**ashesandmagic: glad you're back, man. things haven't been the same without you.**

Guilt level rising another notch, Derek sends a quick **alphaofthedig: Same, man.**

* * *

After that, Derek makes a concentrated effort to pay more attention to Ash, and mostly succeeds. 

'Mostly' meaning 'anytime he wasn't out with Stiles.' 

They'd started spending time together more regularly, and while Derek was happy to be able to rekindle at least a friendly relationship with Stiles, lately it wad starting to feel like more than just 'friendly outings' when they hung out. It all culminated with Derek agreeing to give Stiles a tour of the museum before going out to grab dinner at a nearby bistro with him. 

From the moment Stiles showed up at the museum wearing almost exactly the same sorts of clothing he'd used to wear to their pseudo-dates in college, Derek's stomach has been twisting itself into more and more intricate knots, and his heart jumps into his throat every time Stiles's hand brushes his as they stroll through the museum, Derek regaling Stiles with the history and importance behind each exhibit. 

By the time they leave for dinner, Derek's certain that he is royally fucked. 

Stiles, on his part, seems mostly at ease, even if he does check his phone every now and then, his eyebrows coming together in a little frown each time he sees that he has no new messages. He actually turns his phone off when they get to the bistro though, and smiles apologetically at Derek as they sit down across from each other. "Sorry, I've been hoping to hear from someone - but, no more distractions, I promise." He picks up a menu and opens it thoughtfully. "I've never been here before - what would you recommend?"

"Any soup except the broccoli-cheddar one, and they make an excellent reuben," Derek says. "I usually go with the chicken tortellini Alfredo." 

"Sounds good to me," Stiles agrees, nodding. "I'll go with that."

Derek smiles, and when the waitress leaves with their order, he asks, "How's discussions with the new comic going? Is it going to be like a graphic novel?" 

"That's the plan," Stiles says, nodding. "It's pretty much already a done deal, I'm just working with a team of storyliners to really hammer out the plot."

"Any chance I could weasel a loose plot from you?" Derek asks with a grin. "Just a hint?" 

Stiles laughs. "It's going to be very different to _Blood on the Moon_ , that's for sure. I'm still taking some inspiration from my own life, so the main character's going to be a cop." His grin softens into a tender smile. "There might be a love story involved, but I'm not sure yet."

Derek has to swallow down the first question that jumps to his lips. "That's great," he says sincerely. "Your dad's the inspiration for the cop bit, I'm guessing?"

"Yeah," Stiles says, his grin returning. "My dad's way cooler than Iron Man."

Derek laughs. "Being sheriff of a small town takes some guts," he agrees.

"Exactly," Stiles says. "But enough about that. If I tell you any more my bosses will lynch me!"

Derek chuckles. "I don't think they'd be that dramatic; they'd lose the whole story, then," he teases.

"I'm still not telling you all my secrets," Stiles laughs. "You'll have to buy it."

Derek grins. "I'm planning on it."

* * *

It's a week later, and Derek is almost asleep when his phone lights up and vibrates in three sharp bursts on the nightstand. He knows it's a message from Ash before he even picks it up.

**ashesandmagic: so, you've been back living in the states for a while, right?**

**alphaofthedig: yes, I have. Why, what's up?**

**ashesandmagic: i was just thinking. sorry if i woke you.**

**alphaofthedig: You're fine. Thinking about what?**

**ashesandmagic: about us.**

**alphaofthedig: Oh?**

**ashesandmagic: what are we doing?**

**alphaofthedig: What do you mean?**

**ashesandmagic: i don't know. i feel like we're always dancing around something, but we never actually...**

**ashesandmagic: never mind. i'm tired, i don't know what i'm saying.**

**alphaofthedig: Hey, no.**

**alphaofthedig: I think ik what you're talking about.**

**alphaofthedig: I feel it too.**

**ashesandmagic: you do?**

**alphaofthedig: If you're talking about the feeling that this is more than friendship, then yes.**

**ashesandmagic: so i ask again, what are we doing?**

**ashesandmagic: surely there's going to come a time when this just isn't enough?**

**ashesandmagic: i think i'm already getting there.**

**alphaofthedig: I think so. I want to meet you. In person, I mean.**

**alphaofthedig: Obviously.**

**ashesandmagic: really? i want that too, so bad.**

**alphaofthedig: Yeah, really. I mean, I already can't imagine what my life would be like without you, it'll prob be worse whenever we meet, but honestly, I don't care.**

**alphaofthedig: I don't want to imagine that.**

**ashesandmagic: neither do i.**

**ashesandmagic: so, if - when - we do meet, what would you like to happen?**

**alphaofthedig: Ideally?**

**alphaofthedig: I wanna take you on a date.**

**alphaofthedig: If you came to NYC, I wanna take you everywhere. The Natural History Museum, Central Park, all the little places I've found, everywhere.**

**ashesandmagic: do you mean that?**

**alphaofthedig: Of course I do.**

**alphaofthedig: You're my best friend. And more.**

**ashesandmagic: well maybe we can make that happen sooner rather than later :)**

**alphaofthedig: You think so?**

**ashesandmagic: yeah. i really do.**

**alphaofthedig: I'd love that.**

* * *

A couple of days later, his mind still spinning, Derek turns on the TV in the hope of just switching off for a while. _Ellen_ is on, and ordinarily he would turn over in search of something else - _Killer Instinct_ , maybe, or _Who the (Bleep) Did I Marry?_ \- but just as he's about to change the channel, Ellen announces her next guest and-- No. It can't be. Can it?

Moments later, sure enough, none other than Stiles Stilinksi walks onto the set and takes a seat beside Ellen. "Hi," he says, his cheeks tinged pink as he glances all around himself. "God, I can't believe this is real. You are real, right?"

Ellen laughs. "I'm real, and I'm pretty that audience isn't a hologram," she says with a grin. "How are you doing today, Stiles?"

"Pretty good, pretty good," Stiles says, his hands twisting in his lap. "Still kind of starstruck, but other than that."

"Starstruck?" Ellen asks. "If anyone's starstruck here, it's probably us - I know I'm a fan of your webcomic, and I'm sure most of our audience is, as well." There's a cheer of agreement following her words.

Stiles' blush deepens, and he laughs. "You have no idea how much that means to me," he says. "I still can't quite believe that _Blood on the Moon_ took off as quickly as it did, or that it has such a big following. It's amazing, and I'm incredibly grateful to every single fan out there who's helped to keep me afloat these past six months."

"Well, we're glad to help, aren't we?" Another cheer, and then Ellen leans forward. "I do have to ask, though - the chemistry between your characters is amazing, particularly between Dylan and Tyler. Was there any real-life inspiration there?"

This time, Stiles' laugh is a touch uncomfortable. "Uh, well, the physical features definitely were. I'm sure a lot of people have noticed by now that, kind of embarrassingly, Dylan was pretty much based off of me. Tyler looks a lot like someone I knew back in college; I spent a lot of time sketching him when I was still in the early-development stages of _Blood on the Moon_."

"Someone you knew?" Ellen asks, her expression clearly belying her sudden interest. "Were you close to this someone?"

"Very," Stiles admits, glancing down. "We went our separate ways after college, though."

"I'm sorry to hear that," Ellen says, and her voice sounds sincere. "Were you together?"

A wistful smile curves Stiles' mouth. "For a time," he admits. "It just didn't work out."

"Well, I'm very sorry to hear that," Ellen says as a ripple of sympathy travels through the audience. "One more question about this, and I promise we'll move on then. With the way you draw Tyler, and the chemistry between Dylan and Tyler, would it be wrong to assume you loved him?"

Stiles closes his eyes briefly, swallows hard. "No," he says softly. "It wouldn't be wrong. But that doesn't mean that Dylan and Tyler are going to end up together. Where they're at in the story right now, there are a lot of forces working against them, and they don't even like each other, really. And if there's anything I've learned from my own experiences, it's that it doesn't matter how much you love someone - sometimes, it just isn't enough."

Ellen nods, but whatever she was going to say is cut off as Derek furiously hits the 'off' button on the remote. "That _bastard_ ," he seethes; he has to get up and pace, has to move to keep himself from reaching for the phone that instant. "Where the _fuck_ does he get off, saying something like he was fucking _in love with me?_ I was the one who asked him on all those dates, and _he_ was the one who kept fucking insisting this was nothing but fucking _sex!_ " If the remote was still in his hand, he would have thrown it out the window of his apartment; as it is, Derek picks up a pillow and slings it at the wall, needing to do something to release the anger boiling under his skin.

Derek continues to rant, voice occasionally lifting into a yell until his neighbors start banging on the wall and asking him to kindly shut the hell up, at which point Derek grabs his keys and coat, cramming his feet into his shoes and leaving his phone behind. He needs to walk, he needs to just _get away_ , and if he takes his phone, he's going to call Stiles, and he can't risk potentially fucking up the tentative friendship they've managed to build.

* * *

Derek considers ditching the next morning, when he and Stiles had agreed to meet for a quick coffee before Derek had to go to work and Stiles had to go in for a meeting with the publisher he was working with. In the end, he decides not to ditch, but what he decides to actually do is probably crueler. At the moment, Derek doesn't much care about that, though.

They chat idly while waiting in line for their drinks, but as they sit down, Stiles gives Derek the perfect opportunity to say, "Oh, sorry; I'm actually going on a date then," when he suggests meeting up that night for dinner. At Stiles's surprised look, Derek adds, "It's not exactly new; I've known him for a while, but we finally decided to give it a shot."

Stiles is still staring, but his look of confusion and hurt lasts for only a second before he manages to school it into something more friendly. "Oh," he says, "I-- I didn't know." But then, why should he know? He and Derek are friends now, but he's by no means a big enough player in Derek's life to be told things like this. Personal, important things. "That's great, Derek, I really hope it works out."

Derek catches the hurt, but he refuses to let it get to him. "Thanks," he says with a smile. "I hope it does, too." 

* * *

When Stiles gets home that night, the first thing he does is request a Skype call with Scott, who accepts it pretty much immediately. "Oh my god," he groans before Scott even has a chance to speak. "You have to help me."

Scott raises one eyebrow. "What've you done this time?" 

"I haven't done anything!" Stiles protests. "It's Derek, he's-- He's going on a date tonight."

Scott's expression turns confused. "Good for him?" 

"Yeah, good for him," Stiles sighs. "Terrible for me."

Yeah, Scott's confused. "Why?" he asks. "I thought you were in love with Dale, why do you care about Derek going on a date?" 

Stiles groans and drops his head into his hands. "Because I still have feelings for him," he says. "I do love Dale, but there's only so far I can fall without ever even seeing the guy's face. And having Derek back in my life, it's just shown me how _not_ over him I am. I don't think I was ever over him."

Scott swears under his breath. "Stiles, it's been six years. Are you sure?" 

Stiles laughs. "Look at my comic, Scott. Look at all the people who are convinced that Tyler and Dylan should be together. I'm sure."

"Shit," Scott says, conceding the point. "Well, it sounds like he's moved on, unfortunately for you. Maybe you should just focus on your relationship with Dale." 

"Is that a good idea, though?" Stiles asks. "Doesn't he deserve more than someone who loves someone else as well as him?"

"Are you planning on cheating with Derek?"

" _No!_ "

"Then I don't think there's a problem," Scott says. "You love Dale, and if you commit to him, then you'll stay with him." 

Stiles sighs, nods. "You're right," he says. "Of course you're right. I think it's time I told him that I'm in New York."

"Yeah, I think it is, too," Scott says. "It's past time to let Derek go." 

* * *

So he does. Not twenty minutes later, Derek's phone chimes with a message from Ash.

**ashesandmagic: i've kind of been keeping something from you... not because i don't trust you, but because i was trying to protect myself. but i think i'm ready for you to know, if you're willing to listen?**

Derek frowns at his phone. What could Ash be keeping from him? **alphaofthedig: Of course I'll listen.**

**ashesandmagic: i live in new york.**

**ashesandmagic: the city.**

It takes Derek several minutes to form a reply. It's short, but Derek's too busy trying to wrap his head around the fact that Ash lives in the same city he does, that Derek may have passed him a hundred times in the street. **alphaofthedig: You do?**

**ashesandmagic: i do.**

**ashesandmagic: is that okay?**

**alphaofthedig: I'm just trying to wrap my head around the fact that we may have seen each other before.**

**alphaofthedig: Did you just move recently or?**

**ashesandmagic: i moved here just after we started talking..**

Which was three years ago. **alphaofthedig: that long?!**

**ashesandmagic: i'm sorry. i wanted to tell you but i was scared**

**alphaofthedig: What changed?**

**ashesandmagic: i think i'm finally ready to let go of my past and move forward.**

**ashesandmagic: hopefully with you**

**alphaofthedig: me, too.** Derek can understand not being ready to let go of the past. 

**ashesandmagic: i want to see you. in person.**

**alphaofthedig: I want that too.**

**alphaofthedig: You're really ready to do that?**

**ashesandmagic: i am, but it's okay if you're not.**

**alphaofthedig: I am, I am so ready.**

**alphaofthedig: You just took me by surprise, is all.**

**ashesandmagic: then let's do it**

**ashesandmagic: soon**

**ashesandmagic: the sooner the better**

**alphaofthedig: The sooner the better.**

* * *

Stiles is fairly confident he's going to sweat right through this ridiculous lime green hoodie if Dale doesn't show up soon. He's sitting on a bench in Central Park, wearing the brightest item of clothing he owns, two days after they agreed to meet up, his leg bouncing uncontrollably and his gaze fixed firmly on his hands. He has no idea what direction Dale will be coming from and if he looks anywhere else, he'll be looking _everywhere_ , and he'll probably strain something trying to look in every direction at once. Dale isn't even late yet; Stiles made a point of arriving a whole thirty minutes early, but he's regretting it now. He's not sure how much longer he can stand this.

Despite the fact that Stiles has promised himself countless times that he would not do this, he fumbles in his pocket for his phone and thumbs across the screen until his chat with Dale is up.

**ashesandmagic: don't suppose you're close? i'm freaking the fuck out here :p**

**alphaofthedig: Yeah, sorry I got held up by my sister calling.** Derek's actually rounding the corner as he hits 'send,' and the first thing he sees when he looks up is Stiles sitting at a nearby bench. 

In a lime green hoodie. 

Derek freezes; surely not? There's no fucking way. Almost desperately, he types out another message. **alphaofthedig: You wearing that godawful hoodie you sent me a pic of?**

Right before Derek's eyes, Stiles looks down at his phone, grins, and starts typing a message. As soon as he stops typing, Derek's phone chimes again.

**ashesandmagic: yep. i promise i'll take it off as soon as you've found me :)**

**alphaofthedig: Right.**

Derek arrives just seconds after his message, while Stiles is still looking at his phone. "You've got some nerve," he says, crossing his arms over the leather jacket he's wearing. 

Stiles looks up, his eyes wide. "What?" he asks. "I'm just sitting here! Waiting to meet someone, actually, so can we do whatever this is later?"

Derek just holds his phone out wordlessly, showing the record of their conversation. It takes Stiles a moment, but then the penny drops, and he's on his feet in an instant.

"You!" he cries. "I'm meeting _you!_ What the _fuck_ , Derek, have you been playing me this whole time?!"

" _Me?_ Why the _hell_ would I play you? You're the one who was just with me for sex, you think I _want_ to go back to that?" Derek snarls back, not backing down. 

"What?" Stiles gasps. "You think _I_ was using _you_ for sex? The whole fuckbuddies thing was your idea, Derek! I didn't even know who you were until thirty seconds ago!"

"Yeah, and _I_ was the one who kept trying to make it a relationship!" Derek yells. "I literally asked you on _dozens_ of dates, and _you_ were the one who kept insisting it was just sex!" 

That brings Stiles up short. "What?" he asks again, quieter this time. "No. You never asked me on dates, you just invited me on weird bro hangouts that made me really uncomfortable because I _wanted_ them to be dates."

"They were dates," Derek says, and his tone and posture droop, defeated. "Every single one of them. I tried everything I could think of, and at every turn you kept throwing back in my face the fact that you thought it was just sex." 

Stiles' face falls, and he falters, unsure. "I had no idea," he says. "I thought that was all you wanted."

"Not after the first month," Derek says, and he can't look at Stiles, instead looking out over the park. "You came back to the dorm with your first A in Professor Herr's class." 

"I lost my shit," Stiles remembers. "That class was the worst, I never imagined I'd do so well."

"Yeah," Derek says, shrugging. "That was when I realized that I liked you a lot more than I'd thought." 

"Well, that was then," Stiles makes himself say, blinking the sting out of his eyes. "That doesn't explain right now. Was this just a game? Were you punishing me for not--"

Derek snorts. "I had no idea you were Ash," he says shortly. "And what the hell do you think you were playing at, with that interview?" 

Stiles pales. "You saw that?"

Derek shrugs. "It was on when I turned the television on, and there wasn't anything better. So yeah, I saw that." 

"I'm sorry," Stiles says. "I wish you hadn't found out like that. But you'd just come back into my life and I was really confused and I couldn't lie, Derek. I've spent too long lying about how I feel about you."

Derek scrubs a hand over his face. "So where does that leave us?" he asks after several long, silently uncomfortable moments. 

"I don't know," Stiles says honestly, his gaze falling to somewhere in the vicinity of Derek's shoes. "I picked Dale because you didn't want me, but you heard what I said in that interview, and you still picked Ash. I know it's not that simple, but that's the bottom line, isn't it? And there's that other guy to consider, the one you had the date with."

"I didn't have a date," Derek mutters, flushing. "It was the morning after I saw the interview, and I was still hurt." 

"So that was to punish me," Stiles says, nodding, and his eyes are stinging again. "I don't know if I can do this."

"It was me being stupid," Derek corrects. "But, I don't know, either. I mean, I thought you were a whole other person, and I felt guilty as hell for falling in love with Ash when I still had feelings for you - " 

"You do?" Stiles asks, his eyes bright. "Even now?"

"Stupid, right?" Derek huffs, derisive. 

"If it is, then I guess I'm stupid, too."

That gets Derek to look up, expression far more vulnerable than he'd care for it to be. "What?" 

"I meant what I said in that interview," Stiles says. "I was in love with you back then - and I never stopped."

Derek swallows. "What about Dale?" 

Stiles gives him a weak smile. "Yeah, I fell for Dale too, but of course I did. He's you. It's always been you, Derek."

Derek sighs, then gives a small, rueful smile. "We make quite the pair, don't we?" 

"I think so," Stiles agrees.

"I don't want to just jump right back in," Derek says after a moment. "Everything that happened in college... I loved you, then, and I love Ash now, but it's not going to be easy to reconcile the two." 

Stiles nods. "I get that," he says. "What-- what did you have planned for today?"

"Walking around Central Park, maybe dinner," Derek answers. 

"Well, we could still do that?" Stiles offers. "As-- as friends."

Derek hesitates for a moment before he nods. "Yeah, we can do that." 

* * *

So, that's what they do; they walk around Central Park, catching up and chatting, and by the time they've made a full circuit of the park, it's going on six o'clock. "So," Derek says, feeling a bit awkward as they stand at the north entrance, "do you wanna grab dinner?" 

"If you do," Stiles says. "I understand if you want to get home and... process."

Derek actually takes the time to consider the offer; on the one hand, yeah, he needs to process. On the other, this is Stiles and Ash, and Derek's been in love with Stiles for years and with Ash for at least months. In the end, he shakes his head. "No, I'm good if you are. I'd like to get dinner together." 

Stiles grins. "Then let's go."

* * *

Dinner goes as well as can be expected, but they steer clear of talking about any of the important stuff - so just as they're about to go their separate ways, Stiles catches Derek's arm. "Can I ask you something?"

"Sure," Derek says, a bit cautiously. "What's up?" 

"Why did you think I was only in it for the sex, back then?"

Derek blinks; he wasn't expecting _that._ "You were constantly asking me to model, you never stuck around after sex, and anytime we had sex in your bed you kicked me out of it as soon as we were done," he says. "Most of your compliments were for my body, and you always had some weird fascination with my chest." 

Stiles makes a strangled sound in the back of his throat, half laugh and half something else. "Derek, you're _beautiful_ ," he says. "That's why I used to draw you all the time. You've seen the product in my webcomic; I don't draw any other character the way I draw Tyler. That's not the way you draw someone when all you care about is their body."

"You never said anything," Derek points out. "I know I didn't either, but I tried to show it. I don't remember you doing that." 

"I tried, too," Stiles says, looking down. "My drawings..."

Derek frowns, thinking. "Your drawings?"

"It doesn't matter," Stiles says, stepping back. "I should go."

"No, wait," Derek says, reaching out without thinking to grab Stiles's wrist. "Don't, please. What did you mean?"

Stiles hesitates, looking anguished. "You were the one who first said you wanted it to be casual," he says. "We were really good friends and I didn't want to lose you by telling you how I felt. So I... I just used to draw. I even gave some of them to you, but. Y'know. It was dumb."

Derek remembers some of the drawings Stiles gave him - he even kept a few of them, in a sealed envelope in a box in his closet in his apartment, unopened since the day they split up. "They were your way of saying you wanted more?"

"Like I said, it was dumb," Stiles says, and he's closing up now, his jaw clenched and his entire body tense. His drawings have always been incredibly personal, more so back then than now, and he feels vulnerable just talking about this.

"No, it wasn't," Derek says, his heart sinking. God, they'd both been so stupid. "It wasn't, Stiles. Christ, if we'd just talked - "

"It's too late for what-ifs," Stiles says, meeting Derek's gaze. "Isn't it?"

"Maybe," Derek says. "But what about a do-over?"

Stiles' eyes widen. "Really?"

"Really," Derek says. "I don't think I ever got over you, and finding out that you're Ash - well, I think maybe we could at least give this a try?"

"Okay," Stiles says, wetting his lips. "I'd like that."

Derek smiles then. "I'd like that, too," he says. "I'll text you?"

"Can't wait," Stiles says, smiling back.

* * *

They end up having conflicting schedules for the next several days, and it's almost a week to the day before Derek and Stiles can meet up again. On the one hand, Derek's impatient; this is Stiles, and even better, Stiles is Ash. It's the best of both worlds, especially now that he knows that it was never just physical between them before(even if he is more pissed than ever about how _stupid_ he'd been, to not just tell Stiles he wanted to date him). But on the other, he still has moments where he feels as though he hasn't quite forgiven Stiles for what he'd always thought was the other's callous treatment of him, regardless of the fact that Stiles happens to be the same man that Derek's been talking with regularly for the past three years.

They meet up outside of Broadway Theater; Derek's insisted that, since this is going to be a _date_ , and he was the one who asked, he is also going to be the one to pay - at least for the theater tickets. He manages to get there first this time, and Stiles arrives five minutes before they begin letting people into the theater. "Hey," Derek says, smiling when he catches sight of Stiles. "Ready for our date?"

"Absolutely," Stiles says with a smile, reaching up to kiss Derek's cheek. "You?"

"More than," Derek says, taking Stiles's hand with a smile. "Come on, they're getting ready to open the theater; I already got our tickets."

"Oh my god, I'm so excited!" Stiles gushes as they join the throng of people eager to get inside. "You're pretty amazing, y'know that? I've always wanted to go to Broadway."

"I know," Derek says, grinning at Stiles's eagerness. "That's why I convinced my boss to trade reservations with me; she's making me work a few extra shifts to make up for it."

"Ah," Stiles says, nodding. "It's such a shame you hate your job, isn't it?"

Derek laughs. "Such a shame," he agrees "I think she's just giving me a hard time, though."

"Well, I'm grateful," Stiles says with a squeeze of Derek's hand. "I'm sure I can make it up to you."

Derek's grin turns into a smirk. "I'm sure you can." 

Stiles smiles, and looks away to hide the way he blushes.

* * *

They've been going on regular dates for three weeks now, and Stiles has finally been invited back to Derek's place. They went to dinner first, had a little wine, and they're both flushed and happy and finding it difficult to keep their hands off each other. It's not even all that sexual, although sex may well happen before the night is over; they're just exchanging soft, affectionate touches and sweet kisses, and they hold hands all the way to Derek's door.

Once they're inside, Derek presses Stiles against the nearest wall and kisses him breathless, and Stiles begins to think that maybe sex has just been bumped right up to the top of the agenda before Derek is pulling away and confessing in a loud whisper that he needs to pee. Stiles giggles and pulls Derek into one last kiss before pushing him away, and Derek wanders further into the apartment, calling over his shoulder for Stiles to make himself at home.

So Stiles does. He opens all the doors except the one Derek disappeared behind, and when he finds Derek's bedroom he slips inside. He has no sexy intentions at all, no devious plan for Derek to find him naked in his bed, literally just wants to go through Derek's closet and find out if he owns anything that isn't black or leather or moody-coloured henleys. Maybe some embarrassing board shorts or a horrific Hawaiian shirt from a holiday somewhere. When he spots the envelope with their college's logo on the front, he doesn't even hesitate, expecting it to be Derek's degree certificate or a gushing reference from an old professor or, if he's really lucky, some photos.

The last thing he expects to find is his own drawings.

Derek had heard Stiles taking full advantage of his invitation for the other to make himself at home, but when he finds Stiles in his bedroom, he frowns slightly. There's a look on Stiles's face that he can't quite place, and the other man in staring at something in his hands. "You okay?" Derek asks, coming closer to sit beside Stiles on the bed. "What's that?"

"My drawings," Stiles says without looking up, his fingers skimming over the surface of one of the pages. "I can't believe you still have these." He laughs softly and leafs through the pictures. The one he comes up with is of Derek, naked, sprawled out on a lavish rug, illuminated beautifully by the warm glow of a roaring fire. He remembers drawing it; Derek had come in from a run, stripped off, flopped onto their disgusting second-hand sofa, and told Stiles to draw him like one of his French girls. So Stiles had. "I can't believe I even gave you some of them."

"I kept every one you gave me," Derek confesses. "I couldn't let them - you - go." 

Stiles sighs and shuffles through the pictures again. He recognises all of them, though he'd forgotten about most until now. There are more pictures of Derek, of course, rough sketches and detailed portraits as well as studies of Derek's eyes and hands and the curve of his mouth. But there are other things, too. Landscapes and still-life drawings, a picture of Derek's dog that he'd drawn from a photograph after Derek got a call to say that she'd died. There are comics too, of course, early drafts of _Blood on the Moon_ and some other stuff. The last page is another comic, a simple four-panelled piece that features a lone black wolf sitting on a rocky outcrop in the middle of a forest, howling at the full moon. In the second panel the wolf is joined by a second, smaller wolf with russet-coloured fur, and over the next two panels he sits beside the black wolf, nuzzles into his neck. All of the drawings have a personal, borderline intimate edge to them, but Stiles feels this one like a kick to the teeth. He'd been _so_ obvious; so painfully in love.

Not much has changed.

Derek's quiet until Stiles reaches the last one, and then he reaches out to trace a finger around the wolves. "This should've been my big clue," he says softly. "I just found this a few days ago, and I realized that I was so oblivious, I was pining so hard, that it wasn't even funny." 

Stiles smiles softly. "I think that first one was a pretty big giveaway, too," he says. "If I'd had any sense, I never would have given you these."

"Well, I'm glad you gave them to me," Derek says with a smile of his own. "They mean a lot to me." 

"Yeah?" Stiles asks, leaning into Derek's shoulder.

"Yeah," Derek says, wrapping an arm around Stiles's waist and pressing a gentle kiss to the top of his head. "Almost as much as you do." 

Stiles sighs happily and snuggles into Derek's side. "Everything worked out for the best in the end, didn't it?"

"I think so," Derek says, smiling. "We ended up together, and I'm pretty sure we're happy now."

"Very much so," Stiles agrees. He looks down, stroking his fingers over the wolf comic. "I think we should frame this."

Derek smiles. "I like that idea." 


End file.
